hpwombat

What is my value? To me, I am somewhat valuable. I can't live without myself. I like the trips I take myself throughout town and the experiments I get myself into. I like writing and how I am interesting as an online phantom, the anarchist ghost in the machine. Sometimes I think I'm like that lady from "Johnny Mnemonic" that died, but her spirit inhabited the web as a digital ghost.

My projects are super awesome, but they lack participation and sometimes people draw conclusions about them based on my very particular views of the world, as if the group had to hold my very specific views. I'm not a party man and my projects are not a party program. Though I'd like to have theoretic unity with more people, its more out of a desire to share what I know with others that can appreciate deep theory than out of any thought that theory is significant enough to change society.

I'm not an idealist, ideas won't change society, ideas are shaped by society. Society acts and then it justifies its actions based on overt intention (ideology is the language for this rationalization). Individuals think they have a free will, but free will itself is the product of environmental stimuli. The decisions of free will are still guided by individual choice, I'll say that, but to what extent does free will actually operate as a force defined by the individual and to what extent is it defined by interacting with the world?

Sometimes we think we have a free will...but if we had full control over our desires all the time, there would be no such thing as a will, just as there would be no such thing as "losing control". Conviction is defined by the experience of expressing willpower over time. Our identities become fixed with conviction. Action is defined by impulse or intention, which is the first step of becoming. Action after action, interaction, reaction, all these test our impulses and intentions, solidifying what we seek to become into a full identity, tested and true. This is when conviction can truly be spoken of.

Discipline is a desire for conviction, if nothing else. It is placing deliberate parameters on impulsive desires in an attempt to channel desire into focus for a long term desire. I've failed in my expressions of discipline lately. It does not matter if there were extenuating circumstances and miscommunications that challenged my discipline, I've failed myself and others in being an exemplary individual. I've hardly expressed myself in a way that I would call my actions that of a rolemodel. I would not look up to myself for allowing me to "show my ass" at the worst moments when doing so has been nothing but a detriment on my true desires.

But at the same time, I'm not macho. I can't always just "suck it up" and take another hit for the team. At least not for a long time without questioning the value of my life. I am a sensitive person, receptive to emotions and experiencing emotions deeply as well. If I'm feeling scared or upset, I shut my receptivity down and my social armors start going up. Social armors are the opposite of discipline. Discipline, at least self-discipline, is an expression of individual will. It is aiming for a higher identity. Social armors are defensive mechanisms, expressions of impulse and lower identity.

I'd prefer to always walk the path of the exemplary, but this is a near impossible feat. The least I can do is try to move past my own personal social armors, but then there is fear. Maybe I'm wrong...maybe what I think is an expression of the will is rather a social armor rationalized as willpower? Sometimes I don't know and this is where we see that free will is a very tricky concept.

What I do know is that "showing your ass" isn't an expression of free will. We'd never do actions we'd later regret if we constantly made well informed choices guided by our willful desires...with that said, I regret showing my ass every time I have. Even if the consequences turn out good, were they really worth exposing low values to the world, letting everyone see your integrity is less than the better person's? Most times showing my ass isn't good and I would apologize a thousand times to every person that felt wronged by my character.

But sometimes apologies are empty and if no one is there to observe my good deeds, they too are just as valueless to changing how others view me...but this should not change from allowing them to shape me. The least I can do is improve myself and hope that the value I put in myself will be reflected in how others respond to me. Thus is the way of champions...not servants.

The mediocre are a burden. They dominate life more than any other human parasite. Anarchists are about freedom, we are about room for being lax, this is true. But being lax to the point that it destroys the momentum and enthusiasm of those that want a life better than acceptable and ordinary is unacceptable. If you are lame, if you can't walk, stay home, I'm climbing mountains.

Powerful individuals aren't against helping others, far from it. It makes one that much better of a person to help someone in collaboration. I'm not saying there's not a level, not everyone can participate at the same level, life is full of obstacles. However, the mediocre should overcome themselves, if for no other reason than to say "I was here" "I existed" to the world.

If there is no desire to do so, then why oh why, you so common of a person, why do you waste my time, my hand only extends to those that reach for it. The mediocre have other concerns, ordinary concerns, they say they are concerned about "real" life. How is this so boring of a life "real"? How can you be satisfied when you know this life is unacceptable?

The worst of mediocrity are those slobs that roll around in the muck of normality, but have on occasion seemed as if they are more than another face in a jungle full of faces. I've given these types years of my life thinking they may some day join me. But they keep diving back in, they love the dirt of normality, the stinch of banality. When I offer them my hand, they have the nerve to feint for it! Life is short, too short to play these pathetic games that drive me beserk. Pitty is the weak coersing the strong.

My sparring group is made up of disaffected and anarchist warriors. We train to fight only for the sake of personal defence as a group, though the anarchists also share an understanding of what we could become if we become confident in our training. Up Against the Wall Motherfucker is a major influence on this direction for the anarchists and some of my disaffected friends, as are the Canadian Warrior Societies. Warrior ethics are more appealing to the disaffected and discussions, often with the use of anecdotes in our personal lives to connect our desires. An understanding of appropriate force is weighed against public image. An opponent can be defeated in a humiliating way, but concerns over how our friends and associates perceived such a response play a major factor in understanding how far is too far. Most of us in my sparring group walk a fine line between community acceptance and irrelevance. We are not perfect people and perceived violence impacts an individual more than 100 arguments, so we must be careful with how we handle others.

Anecdotes are a good way of communicating values because they reveal what kind of person we are to others, both in how we think and in how we want to treat others. Fighting anecdotes often talk about how we get put into situations of violence and usually there is a trigger, we feel compelled or forced to respond in most of these stories. Stories of conflict with law enforcement are not violent on our part, most of the time we only talk about "asshole" police officers. We don't care about good or bad cops, they are all potential opponents, but rather we care about how they treated us. It's pretty obvious that we apply standards to violence and expect warriors to act within an unspoken code, be they authoritarian or anti-authoritarian. This is the human condition of the present and it defines how we are to interact with our enemies. Police violence in America is built on the public perceiving it as legitimate. "Necessary evils" are an expression of granted legitimacy. We have to aim higher than the police because we are not to be a necessary evil, but rather a friend to the community and a defender of its concept of justice.

Well, my project of community engagement project has so far been unsuccessful. This is due to my focus on just trying to keep my job afloat, running an internet radio station/independent media center is hard work! Several of my primary technical volunteers have also been unable to assist as much as they have been, which pulls a lot of strength from the intial focus of the project, but it also let me reconsidering what assets I had available.

We've maintained some level of martial arts practice in town. This tuesday I plan on testing our pads. It'll be the first time we use pads and test the limitations of full striking. I fear physical injury, but at the same time I welcome it. I feel more real and in balance with the world when I am struck. Physical violence is an enlightening experience as to what my capabilities are and what my enemy's capabilities are. The past becomes irrelevant in a physical conflict, all that matters is now, what is your opponent doing, can you overcome them. Are they crazy thrashers? Are they not really wanting to fight, but just want to make a point? Can I just full-nelson their ass and get it overwith? I'm smaller than other combatants in many of my conflicts, which has lead me away from grappling and wrestling (my old primary method of unarmed combat) and into striking. I need to develop my endurance more, my strikes are powerful enough to injure, but my time in combat tends to be short. In my last protest, running from the police and their nonlethal weaponry made my lungs burn in less than two blocks...I need to stop smoking and start jogging.

We've just become production on some new local zines. I'm using infoshop.org for much of my radio readings for IMC news, so I am using a smaller version of their banner in our new zine for IMC news as a promo for the best news site on the web (50-100% of my daily news comes from infoshop.org). I'm applying those smaller briefs to the zine itself. Its a hack job, but since we are distro-ing for free...creative commons will liberate your mind! owww!

Well, my dreams have come true yet again. After years of being without a space since leaving Chicago and the Autonomous Zone (an exciting 6 month life) I've managed to put myself into a position of running an office with two possible venues. It's not entirely autonomous, as they are a part of space provided by the Free Press, but they give us a lot of leeway that other space owners wouldn't and we are all working together to create a community media. Our community television station was removed from the airways several years ago and I'm working in conjunction with several groups to recreate this possibility. Along with this, I am regularly airing an internet radio stream located at http://radio.freepress.org that includes a line-up of community voices, including anarchists and progressives. We air Tues, Weds, Thurs 2pm-6pm and Sat noon-4. We just held a good fundraiser for our new project, a community sound booth so bands and radio shows can be recorded. We will encourage things like creative commons and keep ideas on community activity on our tables. The community aspect of my job hasn't yet come about as I thought, I've had to spend a lot more time setting up the office than I initially thought. We have a good amount of content now, though I'd like to see this increase. I think I've had a pretty good month setting up.

I plan on presenting a RAAN workshop of some sort at the Great Lakes Anarchist Gathering. I think I'm going to focus on general ideas that aren't specific to RAAN but that agree with the practice of RAAN and conclude with how RAAN acts as a resource for practice. The Red and Anarchist Action Network focuses on action and creates a fluidity for experimentation with an existing presence to reciprocate from. Some in RAAN, like myself, are attempting to find ways to overcome activism. Propaganda projects, essay writing, journalism, personal development, anti-racist/anti-fascist organizing, food not bombs, protests, zines, zine distros and community interaction are all part of what RAAN individuals and groups have done and continues to work with. Others have attempted to dismiss RAAN for a variety of reasons, but I find a stronger position can be presented as a RAAN participant. RAAN is an organic tendency that doesn't control its affiliates and while we may stumble and fall, we all decide what RAAN stands for by what we do. One thing RAAN has not yet been able to do is function regionally. We are international, yet we are spread thin in several countries. My desire is to find ways to connect with the RAANistas from across the lakes in Ontario and not just through a RAAN network apparatus, but rather with a general regional hub for Midwest anti-authoritarians. To me and how I operate, RAAN works best as a tendency and influence rather than as something that's functionally formal (there is no RAAN decision-making model). Sometimes full groups can be RAAN locally, but regional networking is different. We are more effective by being pluralists and encouraging activity that we agree with as individuals.

What about the Principles and Direction?

Well, I think it is outdated and doesn't represent the growth of many of the people that consider themselves a part of RAAN. We started with a lot of dialogue with people interested in the platform, but we've moved away from this direction and the few references that balance off the platform are confusing. The P&D also attempts to explain "dictatorship of the proletariat" and it isn't network policy to back the idea. What should be apparant is that the Red and Anarchist Action Network is made up of a variety of anti-authoritarians including anarchists and anti-state communists and thus some of the communists wanted to explain what they ment by dictatorship of the proletariat to exclude Leninists from participating in the network, which is also explicitly anti-Leninist. Many participants in RAAN seems to want to come to grips with the critical analysis of the situationists and the post-left and also seeking influences in the current practices of Europe and South America. In North America we can find many different influences, from anarchist, black liberation, animal and earth liberation, anti-nuclear, American and Canadian indian movements and so on.

RAAN http://www.redanarchist.org
Midwest Action Network http://midwest.azone.org

After some theorectic hoops and a media conference that my sponsor and one of my friends went to, I have managed to make my community engagement project my occupation. The concept of "Media Justice" combines social justice with Media work, letting people know of what is going on that is being ignored by the mainstream press. Our new office is pretty cool, my project got backed up because I didn't realize the amount of work setting up the office would be, I probably won't be out in the neighborhood until next week, which slows me down. However, as far as other groups, I know there is a Community group across from the office that helps prisoners, so prison solidarity probably could be pretty easy to start, once everything is moving. http://www.mediajustice.org/ discusses the concept, but I want to take it to a more expansive, radical direction. After I get into it a little it will make sense to explain it. I've got tons of paperwork to create for this project, but at least I'll have 40 hours a week to do it.

The Radio Project needs more shows, only a once weekly show has been maintained, with scattered one-shot shows. Once possible, I'll create a time schedule for live stream. The views expressed on these shows are not my own, but they do represent the people in the community willing to participate on the project. I do want to encourage some of the SDS people to take on a show or two, even though for most it is out of the way.

We are about ready to have two separate group projects in town with meetings I'll attend. Indymedia is getting a handful of young and willing techies and wannabe journalists to bolster our number, hopefully I can get my Arawak City Production buddies together in it also. Our events would be video screenings with a social atmosphere, mixing news related video, local, national and international, usually covered by Indymedia. With mix that with some stuff from other local film groups and our own attempts at production.

The second group is SDS. This is a great group of people. The SDS has been formed on anti-authoritarian values and our local one is a collaboration of many people, old and new to the Arawak City community. There has been some semantic jumbling because I've promoted an anti-democratic critique for a while and I am critical of this aspect of the name, but I'm not going to shoot down their attempt by being a negative nancy.

This is different because we've not had regular meetings for a while. We've attempted regular meetings for the past couple years, they just wouldn't bang out, But AWC's would for almost a year and a half. Anti-war Columbus is pretty much dissolved and it was the activist attempt at confronting the war. SDS is wanting a more radical direction and has taken over its role in the local anti-war movement. Indymedia has suffered from the lack of meetings, but it is disheartening that people show interest but no follow through at meetings, so this new group of individuals might bring a change in direction that it sorely needs.

After I read an article about POG shutting down military recruitment center I visited the Pittsburgh Organizing Group's website http://www.organizepittsburgh.org/ followed shortly by Libcom.org's organize resource http://libcom.org/organise . Both sites have a lot of practical advice to offer.

The POG site has a "Statement of Solidarity" that is well considered and can be adapted rather easily for just about any model of anarchist group. The website is perhaps the best for an individual action-oriented open anarchist group that I've read, with multiple sections, an easy way to join from the web and express the level of involvement you are interested in. If you are interested in open direct action in the United States, POG has a good method.

The other site I ran into before, but never the "organize" section, which I took for granted. POG had Libcom's organize section posted under their links section. The site is excellent and if POG is a good example of practice, Libcom offers practical advice in a friendly format for ways to get involved in a variety of ways.

If you are critical of the left, some of this isn't necessarily for you, but you might be surprised to find that most is.

Beginning Strategy

Arawak City ARA- Eastside Praxis (RAAN)

January 2007

This is the proposed strategy of "Eastside Praxis", a Red and Anarchist Action Network collaborative project.

We are Arawakans from Arawak City and our ideas fall in line with the general community that shares this name in the Greater Columbus, Ohio area. Our project benefits from having as many participants living fully on the Eastside as possible and we seek to expand that number, though those outside the area can help fill in the roles necessary to keep our project working. We seek to create an Eastside praxis because the apparant poverty of the Eastside is shared by our participants and we want to create projects with mutual aid in mind.

We want to organically develop our community involvement in the Eastside. Our projects should bring involvement from the neighborhood as well as challenge status quo attitudes on various aspects of poverty. Our outreach should expose our desires for prisoner solidarity, self-defense and social justice reciprocated with the desires of the general community and how we can help each other.

To start we will go door to door discussing issues and taking notes. We will not assume anything until we understand our neighborhood enough to begin. We should research and provide flyers and zines on what we know we are interested in now as we explore the neighborhoods we want to talk to. What we want to find out is where people feel stress. Is it work, the utilities, the landlord, insurance, medical bills or is it police brutality, gang warfare, drug addiction or is it disease, pollution, political corruption or is it conflict with specific corporations in the area or development groups, gentrification? Are there a lot of elderly and/or kids? When walking around do you see signs of homelessness? What are their conflicts?

Until we have engaged the community we cannot provide any sort of program on how any situation should be handled within the neighborhood. Our focus should be on discovering problems in the neighborhood where the people in general are exploited and thus a tension exists. We want to inspire people to assemble together and discover solutions that go beyond compromise.

I"m excited about the Midwest. I've been working on http://midwest.azone.org and I feel it works well as a networking hub. Shortly after I updated the website activity increased, so I've got high hopes that the website can help archive our attempts at networking so we don't keep repeating the same steps that the Midwest has been doing for the past several years. The Midwest Radical Network was the last time organizing was attempted, but our advantage with the Midwest Action Network is we are building off the momentum of the Toledo riots. Green anarchy, insurrectionary anarchy, and post-left anarchy meets anarcho-syndicalism seems to be the general tendency and I'm curious as to how we will grow with time.